Don’t ask
I haven’t blogged for ages, so I thought I’d slide back into it gently with a little story from the weekend.
I was on my fourth pint of Doom Bar on Friday night – possibly my fifth, actually; Daz had already gone home but I was on a roll – when our table was suddenly joined by a friend of a friend*.
*Actually: friend of a friend is probably overstating it. I’m not even sure we would have spoken were it not for the terrible service at the Cocks; the queue for the bar was at least six people deep and beginning to engulf our table, endocytosis-like.
He spoke first.
“Hellooo… I wasn’t sure if I should ask this!”
That’s generally a bad start to a conversation. But we’ve all had a drink, yada yada. I’ll roll with it.
“Go on…?”
“A little bird told me that you, er… you know…”
He gestured downwards. At the table? At my pint?
“…told me you’re expecting! Is that right?”
The beer stayed in my mouth, although I’m not sure how. I was laughing – mostly with shock that he was stupid enough to ask – but I managed to swallow before I replied.
“NO! No, that’s not right. That’s…” I looked down, to where he was looking. “That’s a beer belly.”
I’m not even sure he was embarrassed. Perhaps I shouldn’t have carried on smiling, but I was just so surprised. He didn’t go away straight away, either. He started talking really quickly instead.
“I should have realised, yeah, of course, I mean, you wouldn’t be out drinking pints I suppose, but, you know, you never know, do you…?”
No. You never know. Which is why YOU NEVER ASK. Seriously, what possesses people?
And I have no idea who the “little bird” was. Someone who obviously doesn’t know me at all, or – paranoid much? – thought it would be funny to stir.
It could be worse, I know. One definitely-not-pregnant friend’s experience involved a (female) acquaintance that she hadn’t seen for a while squealing from across the room, “Ooh! Look at you! BAAABY BUUUMP!” before running over, hands outstretched, for a feel.
What a pranny.
Jenny said,
May 23, 2011 @ 10:31 pm
Oh jeez, that really sucks.
Especially about the little bird. I wonder if it will happen to me one day when I’ve been doing too much sampling of the cakes?!
Liz Broomfield said,
May 25, 2011 @ 7:36 am
No way! That’s horrendous!
Simon Whitehouse said,
May 25, 2011 @ 7:41 am
As a bloke I would never ask this question unless I could actually see the baby’s head starting to appear. Even then I’d be a bit nervous of offending.
And this person clearly doesn’t know you, ‘cos you don’t look pregnant.
Ben Waddington said,
May 25, 2011 @ 8:20 am
“Endocytosis-like” – ha!
Georgina said,
May 25, 2011 @ 9:12 am
I’ve perfected the scathing look for this – especially in the last year. Because no-one would think, she has already had more than a sensible amount of children so she’s obviously just put on a bit of weight…
If this class example of an idiot was stupid enough to not know not to ask, he’s stupid enough to get confused. Maybe the little bird was talking about someone else entirely.
editorialgirl said,
May 26, 2011 @ 10:48 am
I think you’re probably right, Georgina. Not that he’s stupid, but that the little bird was probably talking about someone else. I mean, it was very late on a Friday night. I couldn’t really blame the guy for being ‘confused’. (PS – have you really been asked in the last year?! Aren’t people awful?)
Thanks, Si
And Jenny – no way! Your cake sampling is WAY compensated for by your bike riding. See, that’s where I go wrong; my only exercise is lifting pints!
For what it’s worth – and because he might well read this, thanks to the way the internet works – I overdid the “offended” schtick when I wrote this, because I wanted to make a point.
It did sting a bit, though.
FionaC said,
May 31, 2011 @ 12:21 am
Ha! Oh no! Etc.
I only ever made this mistake once when I was a callow youth of 19 and asked the editor’s secretary when the baby was due. (It wasn’t – she had a perfect pot!) Now I’m in the other boat. I spotted a neighbour as I came off the train – she LOOKED pretty pregnant but I couldn’t acknowledge the fact or give my congrats just in case. Turns out she’s due any moment.
Gah!
Jacey said,
May 31, 2011 @ 2:18 pm
I love this blog post! Sorry Emma, I know it’s not a positive moment you wish to celebrate. But I think this type of thing happens annoyingly frequently and many women have experienced the same thing. You’ve portrayed the shock and annoyance factor perfectly.
Luckily I haven’t been “accused” yet myself but I sometimes think that it’s only a matter of time. I’ve seen some looks and hesitation and I’ve returned cold stares that attempt to say “Don’t, whatever you do ask if i’m expecting!”
But sometimes not saying anything is as bad as saying the wrong thing. An acquaintance recently picked me up to give me a lift to a party. I noticed (with some smugness I confess) that she had a bigger beer belly than me. Ashamedly, I think I may even have been guilty of a smug little smile. At the party she went on to announce that she was 10 weeks pregnant. I naturally felt a bit of a tit. But not so much as when she interrogated me in front of everyone asking how I’d surely noticed in the car and I’d better not have thought she was just getting a bit fat! I muttered something about being busy concentrating on the navigating and went off to poor my self a rather large glass of red wine.